There is one particular Christmas decoration that is very special to me. It's a little blown-glass tree, clear glass, with tiny colored-glass ornaments that go on individual little hooks. When I was a little girl I always wanted to set up the glass Christmas tree and put all its little ornaments on it. I was always very careful.
When I got my own place, my mother gave me the glass Christmas tree to have for my own. Every year when I put it up, it would remind me of holidays at home and helping my mother and father set up all the decorations. It was an important point of continuity with my past, and now that my parents have sold our family home those bits of history are even more important. To paraphrase a friend of mine, it was one of those things I kept in place of the things I couldn't keep.
Last night, I broke the glass Christmas tree.
Poor Rachel tried to pick up the pieces as I stood off to the side and cried. My heart was breaking. I had sworn that I would always be careful, and always keep that glass Christmas tree perfect and special, and that I would never let any harm come to it.
I haven't been this upset about anything in some time. I know it may seem trivial, to be so crushed because of a little trinket, but it was special. I'm tearing up again just writing about it. I went up to my room and sobbed and sobbed...and I almost never do that.
Isn't it amazing what events our hearts choose to dredge up our most painful emotions? I barely cried at 9/11. I didn't cry watching the Katrina devastation. And yet...the breaking of this little object reduced me to helpless tears.
Tomorrow, I will find a glassblower who can repair the tree.
ETA: I found a glass artist's studio/rental space where many glass artists work. They said that since my tree was not blown, per se, but made with a torch, then my chances of getting it repaired or recreated are good. The lady said the usual thing to do is put up a notice for a commission, and the artists will look at them...and that this weekend there's a big holiday thingie so there'll be almost 30 artists coming by. Yay!
- Mood:
heartbroken
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Comments
*is reminded of the vanishing birthday tree*
*cries for you*
http://www.past-times.com/webapp/wcs/st
Hope it helps.
It was weighted oddly, and the front was heavier than the back. So one day, while my mom was home on her lunch hour eating, she hears this godawful crash, and runs into the living room to find the tree on the floor and the dog under the couch frightened out of his wits.
We lost surprisingly few ornaments, but among the losses were antique silver globes from my great-grandmother (irreplacable) and one of mine, a dated Precious Moments angel playing a violin, that my aunt gave me when I started studying violin as a kid. The hand and part of the violin snapped clean off. We never even found it.
I still insist on hanging her on the tree every year but I always want to cry a little when I see the hole where her hand should be.
We tie the tree down now.
Anyway. Longwinded post, but the short version: I know that feeling. I'm so glad you can get yours repaired, and many many hugs.
*sympathy hugs*
Seems crazy important, actually.
*hugs*
Just because you didn't cry when you saw the horrors of 9/11 and Katrina, it doesn't mean it didn't touch you. It just wasn't intensely personal. And that's completely normal and understandable.
I have my fingers crossed that you can get your Christmas talisman ;-) repaired soon.
Sincerely, MG
It's awful when you lose something like that, all tied up in memories. I hope one of the artists can help you repair or recreate it.
Which is my long-winded way of trying to say don't doubt the validity of your feelings, I'm sorry it happened, and I hope it can be fixed.
When I was little, my mother got me a nutcracker ornament from the performance, it was a tiny little snowglobe of Clara with her nutcracker. My little sister dropped it a couple of years ago on the tile floor while we were decorating out christmas tree, and it was one of the most horrible things I had to see happen,
Except... kinda worse. :( But it's really good they can get it fixed! :)
Interesting though that it was my husband who was reduced to tears and enraged when some workers broke the one thing I had inherited from my grandmother. Our house flooded during Allison in 2001, and I was with 6-week old Elizabeth at his parents, and he had arranged for some workers to come rip out carpeting and pack up all our stuff to be moved to storage while we re-did the house. He didn't even tell me about my grandmother's broken sherry set until months later, when we were moving back in, and he was still choked up about it. We still have one of the sherry glasses, and I keep meaning to find time to go on ebay and see if I can't find 5 matching glasses and a new decanter. Even though it wouldn't be exactly the same, it would be something.
Long way of saying "I know how you feel!" Hugs and I'm glad to hear there is a good chance of it being fixed.