You guys, Freecycle is so great. I know it's been around awhile but I just joined our local Columbus chapter (which is run through a Yahoo group, don't know if that's the norm or not). I've already unloaded three bags of old Beanie Babies and tonight I'm going to offer up some old upholstery fabric I have lying around in the basement, possibly two pieces of wall art that I don't have wall space for. It's nice to know these things can go to someone who wants them, and to not have to pay for shipping. And I found someone who needed a Verizon compatible cell phone, and I just happen to have an old one lying around in a drawer!

Demand was high for those Beanie Babies. I've gotten at least ten emails about them.

So last night Eric and I ventured out to Grove City to pick up a set of metal shelves I'd gotten from Craigslist. They're for the kitchen. They ended up being a bit larger and with fewer actual shelves than I was envisioning but that's ok. I honestly don't much care how they look, I just want more storage in the kitchen. I may need to get some small stackable shelf type things for them, though, otherwise I'll have a ton of wasted vertical space between the shelves. Last night I cleaned out a lot of the rarely-used stuff from the pantry...the more exotic spices, Eric's eleventybillion jars of spice blends, cheeseball mixes and the like, and put them in a Rubbermaid on the top shelf. Much more room in the pantry now, and some things were even able to be moved to the door-mounted spice rack.

I know, my kitchen reorganization is soooo fascinating.

WRT the brief post I made last night about Crazy Freelance Client offering to pay me in gold doubloons or some shit, I can only say that at this point, I'm starting to enjoy this guy. He's so crazy it's entertaining. I will never see a penny from him. I could take him to small claims court, but he won't show up and won't ever pay the judgment. One minute he's apologizing to me and swearing to pay me, the next minute he's making fun of me, the next minute he's cussing me out, the next minute he's asking me to collaborate with him on a children's book so I can get paid from the riches we are sure to net from this endeavor.

They grow 'em strange in Latvia, is all I can say.

Oh. My. God.

Crazy Freelance Client, who it turns out is in Latvia, just offered to pay me...in gold.

Yeah. Gold coins.

I need to write a book about this.

ETA: Now they're offering me free web design.

ETA2: When I refused both, they've just told me to fuck off and go ahead and sue them and they'll never pay. This just gets better and better.

If you had to nominate a band for Indie-Alternative Rock godhood, who would it be? A band that inspires other bands, a band that's talked about with reverence by other indie rockers, a band that blazes trails and sets standards?

Today I am busy saving myself money.

I'd planned for some expenses during my giant two-month-long pre-surgery home reorganization and spring cleaning. I planned to buy a convertible sofa for the basement, which I'd wanted before and will now need for my mother to sleep on. I'd figured about $200-$300 for this based on the sofas I'd priced out. Today I decided i'd just buy an inflatable bed and worry about the sofa later...inflatable beds are good to have anyway. I found a really nice one, queen-sized with an elevated mattress so it's high like a real bed, on Amazon for $60. I also wanted some shelves for the kitchen to increase our storage space. I figured Container Store, about $100. I went on Craigslist today and found a guy who had six-shelf units, three feet wide and six feet tall, for $20 each. They're a tad metal and garage-ish, but I honestly don't much care what they look like. Maybe i'll spray paint them red or something. I'm going to buy two because you can never have too many shelves in the basement, right?

Then I am busy MAKING myself money. I've got articles for a men's magazine to write, possibly three, then that "Don't Be That Guy" column, plus my movie preview article.

I might not move from in front of this laptop today.

Happy 4th of July, everyone!

Growing up I always loved the 4th. We used to have a picnic at my grandmother's house. You could easily see the fireworks from her backyard. You can't anymore because the trees have gotten too big between her and the riverfront.

As soon as I finish my protein shake I'm going to run to the USPS and drop off some packages, then go to the grocery store to pick up ingredients for the pasta salad I'm making for Dayna's cookout.

I had a bad moment this morning. I woke up and my throat was just slightly scratchy. I panicked a little because hello, surgery in less than two weeks, and I can't get a cold right now. I'm guessing they'd reschedule me if that happened. But it doesn't feel like my usual pre-sick sore throat (isn't sore) and I think is probably the result of accidentally getting a big lungful of oven cleaner last night. It feels fine now. But some Emergen-C couldn't hurt.

Just had something weird happen, too. I went to iTunes because I wanted to buy "Brothers in Arms" by Dire Straits, because that song is teh awesome. So I did, and it started downloading...along with 12 other tracks. I'm all, wtf? I look and it's also downloading Coldplay's "Viva la Vida" album, which I...already have. I don't know why. I don't seem to have been charged for it, so whatever.

Okay, y'all. I must alert you to an amazing product that I can no longer live without after having used it for about two days.

Last week the lovely and talented laurelwood posted about her love of Charlie's Soap, a safe, natural, all-purpose soap that comes in exactly two varieties: all-purpose cleaner and laundry soap (liquid and powder). The website has a lot of interesting material about how traditional laundry detergents do less cleaning and more scenting and waxing.

I was interested, so I ordered some. It's not expensive. The laundry soap...of which you only use one tablespoon per load of laundry...comes in a cute little cloth bag that does 80 loads for $16. The sprayer of all-purpose cleaner was about the same price, but you can get a gallon of refills that fills up 8 sprayers for about $22.

I did some laundry with the powder. It's so...surreal. This tiny little scoop of powder...you can barely see it! No suds! Of course, I'm a chemist, I'm well aware that lather and suds are actually for show and real cleaning does not require suds. But it's weird.

The thing with Charlie's Soap is that there isn't any smell. So the clothes don't have the detergent smell, they just smell like clean fabric. And you don't use fabric softener, because the soap goes through the clothes and you don't need it.

I was dubious. Until I used it.

The clothes came out feeling cleaner to the touch than ever. They were soft and fresh and I used NOTHING but that tablespoon of Charlie's Soap. I first washed some dingy-ish dishtowels and they came out brighter. They didn't have that stiffness and slight waxiness that comes from putting a lot of shit into the laundry.

I'm a convert.

Tonight I tried the all-purpose cleaner for the first time. My jaw, she is on the floor. I used it on my microwave (mounted above the stove) and the stove itself. Now, there's always been a little filmy greasiness on the micro and oven door that other cleaners never seemed to touch. I sprayed on Charlie's Soap and let it sit for a little while (the site recommended this) and...holy cow. Everything was spotless. That residual gunkiness was gone, gone, gone.

I love it. I want to spray it on everything. According to the bottle it can be used on "anything washable."

Go. Try it.

Gyllennews!

Finally, word of one of the two films Jake's filmed in the last two years (the other being the David O. Russell film "Nailed" which looks to be quite the trainwreck).

Trailer for "Brothers" in which he and Tobey Maguire FINALLY play brothers. Also stars Natalie Portman. Schweeet.

Jake is all tough-guy ex-con with a neck tattoo in this, too.

Calling crafters.

I have a seriously huge amount of quilting fabric. Every color of the rainbow, various prints, I think they're mostly fat quarters but don't take my word on that. It's probably at least 20 pounds worth, maybe more.

I would like it to not be here.

If anyone wants it, I'll send it to you if you'll pay for the shipping. I'm not sure how much it'll be but I can find out.

Hello all! I know, I've been quiet this week, I've been preoccupied with a number of things including a freelance project gone horribly awry. Long story. Anyway today is a holiday and I plan to make myself useful. Do some laundry, clean the Nerd Lair, maybe do some kitchen reorg. A trip to The Container Store is possible.

The 4th will likely be low key. Dayna's having a few people over for burgers and stuff. We'll be able to see the local fireworks from her yard. The el-huge-o Columbus fireworkes explosaganza, Red White & Boom, is tonight. Wild horses could not drag me there. There's eleventybillion people, loud music, beer being spilled...at least it wouldn't be sweltering this year, as we're having unseasonably cool weather and it's only 72 degrees. It might be downright chilly by the time the fireworks go asplodey.

So I've been acquiring new vintage needlepoint for my Stairwell of Kitsch. And it occurred to me that as much as I've talked about it, I've never posted any photos of said stairwell. So here you go.





I think the big butterfly one is my favorite that's on the wall right now. Some of the detail is lost in photography. For example, those pair of trees that are to the upper left of the butterflies? The lower one is puffy. I love that.

This is what it looks like now, but a lot of the new pieces are quite large, so I think I'll be taking most of this stuff down and starting from scratch once everything arrives, rearranging everything.

Here are the new pieces.






And this one's my favorite:



Those are MUSHROOMS, y'all. Painstakingly rendered in marigold, avocado and goldenrod. You can practically hear the John Denver music and feel the shag carpeting beneath your feet. LOVE.

One thing I love about these needlepoints is the mystery of who made them. These things aren't mass-produced, someone spent hours and hours carefully stitching them. Did they do it for themselves? Were they gifts? Where have they hung before, and how many walls have they graced? It's interesting to imagine the trip these little guys have taken to end up in my Stairwell of Kitsch.

Okay, more detail about ScamGate 2009, over and above my incoherent ARGHing of a few minutes ago.

I've been stepping up my freelance work the past few weeks in a new push to pay off credit card debt. I landed a good Wikipedia-article writing job that'll be for this week, and then another job that was like a godsend...good money for work that was time-consuming but not mentally taxing, which was just what I needed.

My freelance website handles all the money for me, which is great. You can send invoices, or request escrow. The employer deposits money in the escrow, then you request its release when the job is done. This is what I did for this second project, call it the List Project (because it was compiling lists). The first escrow was for $500. I finished the work, the money was deposited, then released, and I requested the withdrawal to my bank.

The employer was pleased and asked if I'd do another slightly smaller project of the same kind for $400. I said of course. So the money went into escrow, I started the project. I sent half of the work to them last night.

This morning I got an email from the employer saying "Feel free to send the second part any time." I couldn't, as I'm at work and didn't have it with me and I wasn't quite done.

Not THREE MINUTES later, I get an email from Guru (my freelance website) informing me that the employer was not authorized to use the credit card that was used to pay the escrow. So they had no choice but to cancel my withdraw request.

Of course I emailed the employer and informed them that until this money situation was cleared up, they'd be getting no more work from me. But I'm suspicious of the timing of their last email, like they wanted to get as much out of me before I got word that they weren't paying me. Whaddaya bet I never hear from them again and never get paid?

I'm not out any money, just time. But it was money I had started to plan around having, you know?

I'll say that in two years of freelancing on this website nothing like this has ever happened to me before.

AAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH

A freelance employer may have just gypped me out of $900.

AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Holy shit, I have not updated my blog in like four days!!! I feel like I've posted since then. But I guess I've posted to a couple communities, and between that and Twitter and Facebook it gets hard to remember how long it's been.

I am a busy beaver. I have a metric shit ton of freelance work to do, but it's great because I'll be getting paid and I can finally get my Kindle! And a new sofa for the basement...and shelves for the kitchen...and pay my hospital deductible...yeah. Yay!

Tonight I'm going to a party at Jessimi's house and I'm very happy about it. We will sit around the campfire and drink beer and talk shit. Hoo-rah.

Holy cow. The Academy is increasing the number of Best Picture nominees to 10. Wow. Not sure how to feel about that.

And this quote from newly-reappeared Gov. Sanford: "I've spent the last five days of my life crying in Argentina."

...

*mmmpphhh*

BWA HA HA HA HA HA!

That is the funniest thing I've ever read in my life. Seriously? Crying in Argentina? Thank you for that, Governor Drama Queen.

So I'm rewatching Queer as Folk for stitching viewing these days. I only have the first two seasons on DVD, so if I get to the end and want to see all of it, it's back to eBay. You can get the individual seasons for a song these days now that there's a complete-series. I missed a few eps here and there while it was airing, so that might be nice. I can't help but laugh at Michael's first-season boyfriend. Dr. So-Not-Gay.

I have affection for that show even though the cheese level is fairly high. It's a bummer that the expeience seems to have soured for so much of the cast. Randy Harrison seems quite vehemently anti-QaF these days, and there are rumors that Hal Sparks and Gale Harold loathe each other and did for a good part of the filming. The latter is also quite staunchly "I've moved on" and such.

I admit some voyeuristic glee at rumors about co-stars loathing each other, especially since it's so much fun to listen to the studios deny it, or that the studios themselves had issues with an actor, as must of course happen, but you'd think it never did to hear them. They'll always call so-and-so "a professional" and talk about how delighted they were to work with him or her when you know that someone, somewhere has crossed people off their to-hire list, full stop.

It's my job to dig up rumors about film sets sometimes. The one that pops to mind at the mo is that Reese Witherspoon and Vince Vaughn were at each other's throats during the filming of "Four Holidays." We're all hearing about the Paltrow vs. Johansoon celebrity deathmatch that's rumored to be going on over at the Iron Man 2 set.

Share a co-star hate rumor!

Got this from moonpupy.

Every now and then the police arrest somebody suspected of some terrible, violent crime, and as a piece of public relations they'll announce all of the horrible books, movies and/or CDs they found in the suspect's house, as if to prove that the suspect is obviously guilty and horrible and monstrous.

So here is my challenge to you. You can either do this from memory or take a moment to look through your book and music collections, and then answer this question:

Name ten books, CDs and/or movies that you own that the police would cite as evidence against you at their press conference.

I mean, come on. Where do I start? My extensive collection of true crime and books about serial killers would surely raise eyebrows. How about my books about Jack the Ripper? I don't know what would be more prejudicial, the binders of Brokeback Mountain fanfiction or my Alan Moore graphic novel collection, which does include the totally porny "The Lost Girls."

Would they find it pathological that I have a couple of shelves of books I read as a kid? Or that I have a whole shelf of math and science? I mean, what kind of weirdo voluntarily reads about science?

I'm having a good weekend. My Reorganize, Purge and Finish Household Projects thing continues unabated but I'm making excellent progress. Yesterday I finally hung my folk art collection on my bedroom walls, then went out in search of frames for a project to display them in an unconventional way (more on that when it's done). I wanted antique frames, old distressed rustic ones, but I also didn't want to pay a lot of money. So I went to Hobby Lobby to see what they had, and I found three perfect frames, really big ones, for $27 total. Score!

I got the frames hung and went through the accumulation of books in my bedroom, culling out the ones I've read or have no plans to read soon for relocation to the basement library and leaving the ones I plan to read soon. Took out trash, boxed up clothes for consignment, washed the sheets, etc.

Today I decided my project would be to clean the computer corner in the living room. In the "dining room" area of my living room is my dining room table, where I sit with my laptop. The buffet behind me had become a catch-all for clutter, and there was various crap in the corners and the whole area was in dire need of a vacuum. I moved the table and chairs, cleared out the clutter, reorganized the buffet, washed the baseboards, vacuumed, and replaced everything. Feels so nice and clean! Doing huge, in-depth cleaning isn't bad at all if you spread it way out and tackle one smallish task a day. I also put up hooks on the inside of my front hall closet door to hold two items that are pertually underfoot...my purse and my computer bag. The front hall closet got cleaned out last week as one of my projects.

Now I'm making Lori's Totally Made Up pasta salad. Lately I've been craving pasta for some reason. I went to the store last night and was like mmmm....ramen. Want ramen. Weird. I don't eat much ramen as a rule but suddenly I just wanted some.

Last night I watched "The Golden Compass." It was very pretty, but...I don't know. I just felt like something was missing, like some essential element had been forgotten while they were making everything look pretty. I agree with just about everyone in that the original voice of Iorek, which we heard in the trailer, was better than Ian McKellan. And I didn't like that Pan had a kid's voice, for vague reasons I don't get. And they ended it waaaay before the book ended.

Is it wrong that I found Sam Elliott sexy in that movie? I've always kind of found Sam Elliott sexy, though.

Today is the last day of work for my closest work friend, Becky. She's moving to Delaware with her family, and she will be telecommuting to work here from there on. So I'll still have her to talk to on IM, but I will miss our frequent afternoon chats. Becky's almost exclusively a workplace friend...I've only been to her house once, and she's never been to mine...but we got to be pretty close. I will miss her a lot.

My surgery is four weeks from yesterday. I've been having the urge to go through my house, reorganize and purge things. I've begun getting rid of clothes I no longer wear, I'm taking care of some household odds and ends, reorganizing the kitchen, etc. I want everything to be nice and in order while I'm recovering.

So, as I mentioned before, I downloaded a bunch of new music to listen to. Verdicts so far:

1. The National, "Alligator." Got this because if "Boxer" were an LP I would have worn it out by now I listen to it so much. This album is very close to that good, and National's music is the sort you kind of have to life with for awhile and gets better as you do. This one feels more raw, Boxer is more polished. Very good.

2. Band of Horses, "Cease to Begin." Random download off a recommendation. First impresh is that this is exactly my kind of band, and I like it...but it might blend in with all the other indie-rock I listen to. It'll take a few more listens to determine if this album will stand out. Bonus points for cool band name, though.

3. E.S. Posthumus, "Unearthed." I had three tracks from this album already, so I got the whole album. The three I already had were probably the strongest, but I enjoyed all of them. This is a New Age band that sounds kind of like B-grade movie soundtracks, if that makes any sense, and it's kind of fun, but am I the only one to think that all New Age music sounds kind of Christmasy?

4. Lady GaGa, "The Fame." Shut up. Pop is fun too. And this album is quite fun, with the expected number of totally throwaway tracks. Upon several listens, though, I have determined without irony that "Poker Face" is an awesome song. I like "Paparazzi" too.

5. Katy Perry, "One of the Boys." See above, re: shut up. I got this because I heard "Waking Up in Vegas" on that Top 40 download I got and I really liked it. She's got some fun songs on this album and again some total cannon fodder. "I Kissed A Girl" is far from the best song on the album, though.

Still to listen:
Ben Lee, "The Rebirth of Venus"
Orishas, "El Kilo"
The Fratellis, "Here We Stand" (got this because "Costello Music" is one of my favorite albums)
Cold War Kids, "Robbers & Cowards" (which I think I might have already downloaded and didn't care for, but I can't remember)

Today, I must bring you this piece of genius from Cecil Adams, The World's Smartest Human. For those of you not in the know, Cecil runs a website called The Straight Dope, which is one of my favorite stops since I've been on the Internet. He and his staff of advisors answer imponderables and random questions from the Teeming Millions (as they call them). Recently, he was asked to explain the Schroedinger's Cat paradox. The questioner submitted the query in verse. Cecil answered...in verse as well.

Dear Cecil:
Cecil, you're my final hope
Of finding out the true Straight Dope
For I have been reading of Schroedinger's cat
But none of my cats are at all like that.
This unusual animal (so it is said)
Is simultaneously live and dead!
What I don't understand is just why he
Can't be one or other, unquestionably.
My future now hangs in between eigenstates.
In one I'm enlightened, the other I ain't.
If you understand, Cecil, then show me the way
And rescue my psyche from quantum decay.
But if this queer thing has perplexed even you,
Then I will and won't see you in Schroedinger's zoo.
— Randy F., Chicago

Cecil replies:
Schroedinger, Erwin! Professor of physics!
Wrote daring equations! Confounded his critics!
(Not bad, eh? Don't worry. This part of the verse
Starts off pretty good, but it gets a lot worse.)
Win saw that the theory that Newton'd invented
By Einstein's discov'ries had been badly dented.
What now? wailed his colleagues. Said Erwin, "Don't panic,
No grease monkey I, but a quantum mechanic.
Consider electrons. Now, these teeny articles
Are sometimes like waves, and then sometimes like particles.
If that's not confusing, the nuclear dance
Of electrons and suchlike is governed by chance!
No sweat, though--my theory permits us to judge
Where some of 'em is and the rest of 'em was."
Not everyone bought this. It threatened to wreck
The comforting linkage of cause and effect.
E'en Einstein had doubts, and so Schroedinger tried
To tell him what quantum mechanics implied.
Said Win to Al, "Brother, suppose we've a cat,
And inside a tube we have put that cat at--
Along with a solitaire deck and some Fritos,
A bottle of Night Train, a couple mosquitoes
(Or something else rhyming) and, oh, if you got 'em,
One vial prussic acid, one decaying ottom
Or atom--whatever--but when it emits,
A trigger device blasts the vial into bits
Which snuffs our poor kitty. The odds of this crime
Are 50 to 50 per hour each time.
The cylinder's sealed. The hour's passed away. Is
Our pussy still purring--or pushing up daisies?
Now, you'd say the cat either lives or it don't
But quantum mechanics is stubborn and won't.
Statistically speaking, the cat (goes the joke),
Is half a cat breathing and half a cat croaked.
To some this may seem a ridiculous split,
But quantum mechanics must answer, "Tough shit.
We may not know much, but one thing's fo' sho':
There's things in the cosmos that we cannot know.
Shine light on electrons--you'll cause them to swerve.
The act of observing disturbs the observed--
Which ruins your test. But then if there's no testing
To see if a particle's moving or resting
Why try to conjecture? Pure useless endeavor!
We know probability--certainty, never.'
The effect of this notion? I very much fear
'Twill make doubtful all things that were formerly clear.
Till soon the cat doctors will say in reports,
"We've just flipped a coin and we've learned he's a corpse."'
So saith Herr Erwin. Quoth Albert, "You're nuts.
God doesn't play dice with the universe, putz.
I'll prove it!" he said, and the Lord knows he tried--
In vain--until fin'ly he more or less died.
Win spoke at the funeral: "Listen, dear friends,
Sweet Al was my buddy. I must make amends.
Though he doubted my theory, I'll say of this saint:
Ten-to-one he's in heaven--but five bucks says he ain't."
— Cecil Adams

I know I've said this before, but Heart was so awesome. Vintage Heart and 80s Heart, it's all good. "Barracuda" is on the Pod right now, and last night I heard "Crazy on You" and "Alone" and they just rock so hard. They need to come back. STAT.

Earlier "I Want To Know What Love Is" came on and the awesomeness was too much for me. I had a bona fide laughing fit right here in my office because of how ridiculous that song is in a totally awesome way. Lou Gramm is just belting that shit as hard as he can with that gospel choir in the background and it's all so earnest and power-ballady.

So I haven't told you guys about the Cinci Pride festival! It was a blast. I was at a table from Dreamspinner with fellow authors and we were laden with books. DSP also has this awesome promo idea, it's a CD with two free short stories and chapter-length excerpts from all the books. We gave those away like candy, people seemed to like that a lot. Although the thought occurred later about how many people popped it into a CD player expecting audio. We should probably have said it wasn't audio.

Sunday was the big parade, so Saturday was quieter. Various vendors and community people, some music, limited food. Cinci's Pride isn't nearly as large as Columbus's, which is this weekend. I wore my big patchwork hippie dress and got a zillion compliments on it. Whenever I'd walk around the circle I'd get yells of "Awesome dress!" and "Work it, gurl!" and various other exaltations to my awesomeness. I must say it was quite comfortable, if cumbersome, and I've never been that exposed in public. It has a spaghetti halter top and I can't really wear a bra with it, so I was constantly adjusting the girls. I did find an awesome big straw hat with a big green flower on it to wear. We sold a lot of books...five of mine...and talked to a lot of awesome people.

I talked to a vendor while buying Pride beads who was wearing a T-shirt from the 1993 March on Washington...which I was at! Remember, anonamys? That was my first Pride event. I was in college. We reminisced about that. This event was less outlandish than others of my experience. I saw no partially naked people, although a lot were scanty. There were these two 19-20ish slender little gay boys walking around together, rainbows all over, wearing as little as legally allowable, hands in each other's back pockets. They weren't looking at any booths, just walking around. They must have walked around and around for three hours. Just waiting to get noticed. It was kind of amusing.

I really wish I was doing a booth at our Pride. When I learned that my Cinci sisters couldn't make it up here for it, I thought I couldn't do one by myself, and it'd just be me and my one single lonely book. But it turns out that when any author does a Pride event, DSP sends them boxes of other peoples' books and giveaways and a tablecloth and all that stuff, so i could totally have done it alone. DAMMIT. Next year.

I drove back to Columbus and right to Brian's for a birthday party for one of our friends. Brian's really been working on his backyard and he'd gotten in a firepit and put up tiki torches and lights and lanterns. It was very festive and a lot of people were really drunk. Including Brian. Not me, though. I left early because I was tired. Long day.

Other than that nothing much is going on. But i wanted to show you this picture of the Cutest Podiatrist's Office Ever. I took it last night while walking to the coffeeshop while my tire was being repaired.

So, how are we feeling about the "True Blood" premiere last night?

For me = WIN.

( The blood is life. Also the spice. Whatever. )